Rebuilding Trust
Trust is the foundation for intimate, secure and successful
relationships. It must be earned and maintained with consistent
actions. But building trust and feeling like the person is trustworthy
is not always easy for those who have had their trust betrayed.
Once your trust has been violated, it’s difficult to make it viable in
your relationship again. Find out the steps you can take to put trust
back in your relationship.
Bill Weaver & Associates, P.A.
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Trust has to be a living, breathing entity in order for a relationship to
survive. This applies to romantic relationships, family relationships
and friendships. So when your trust is violated, how do you overcome
that and restore trust in a relationship? If you have the desire to try
rebuilding trust in a relationship again or just learn to trust again in
general, we have some steps you can take to get you there.
Trust may seem like an obscure concept, difficult to define.
Sometimes you can’t tell if you truly trust someone, especially when
you have no past experience to base it on. Trust isn’t an emotion. It’s
a learned behavior that we gain from past experiences.
It is hope and dependability, and putting confidence in someone. Trust
is a risk. But you can’t be successful when there’s a lack of trust in a
relationship that results from an action where the wrongdoer takes no
repentance or responsibility to fix the mistake.
Unfortunately, we’ve all been victims of betrayal. Whether we’ve been
stolen from, lied to, misled, or cheated on, there are different levels of
losing trust, some more devastating than others. Regaining trust can
seem as likely as winning the lottery. You may want to have faith in
your partner again, but when it comes down to it, you simply don’t
know how to start regaining trust in a relationship.
Sometimes people simply can’t trust anymore – they’ve been too badly
hurt and they can’t bear to be that vulnerable again. It’s
understandable, but if you’re willing to build trust in a relationship
again, we have some tips to get you on the right path.
Learn to really trust yourself
If you don’t trust yourself, meaning your ability to have good judgment
and to make good choices, how can you trust someone else? Having
confidence in yourself will help you make better choices because you
feel more capable and can discern what the best outcome would be for
your well-being.
Just keep in mind that once your trust has been violated, your
defenses start working overtime to protect yourself. Pay closer
attention to your instincts and keep working on building trust in
yourself.
Grieve
When a loved one dies, the natural grieving process tends to come in
five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
These five stages can also occur when you lose trust in someone.
Don't fight any of these stages. You’ll usually get through all of them –
with time. Forgiveness can also be added as the sixth stage in regards
to trust. If you can find it in your heart to forgive, then you’ll be able to
release anger and hurt.
Stop labeling yourself the victim
If you’ve been betrayed, you are the victim of your circumstance. But
there’s a difference between being a victim and living with a “victim
mentality.” At some point in all of our lives, we’ll have our trust tested
or violated.
Losing trust in someone can have a devastating effect on your relationship, as well
as your sense of self-worth, but building trust in a relationship again is possible. It
takes a willingness to work on both yourself and your betrayer, but trust can be won
back. And when trust in a relationship is regained, it is truly healing. Trust us on this
one.
Keep your expectations high
Avoid situations that share the same pattern of circumstance where your
trust was violated. On the flip side, it’s also important to recognize that just
because you’ve been violated before doesn’t mean it will automatically
happen again. You have to stop the harmful belief that any new
relationship will end up the same way. If you fall into this way of thinking,
not only will you sell yourself short, but you may also throw away a great
possibility because you’re too scared of being hurt again. Also, remember
that when you give someone the best, you deserve the best in return.
Don't settle for anything less.
Some people choose to wallow in the sting of betrayal while others make
an effort to overcome it. If you choose to become a wallower, you will stifle
your ability to truly heal because you’ll end up angry and blaming everyone
else for something you actually have more control over than you think.
You didn’t lose “everything”
When we’re severely betrayed, such as being cheated on in a relationship,
we tend to feel like we have lost everything that means anything to us.
Once trust is lost, what is left? Instead of looking at the situation from this
hopeless angle, look at everything you still have and be thankful for all of
the good in your life. Seeing the positive side of things doesn’t mean you’re
ignoring what happened. Instead, it’s a healthy way to work through the
experience to allow room for positive growth and forgiveness.
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