| Bill Weaver & Associates, P.A. Power by Design for Sober Living |
3.) SELECTION OF OLDER ASSOCIATES
It is flattering when you are 14, 15, or 16 for someone who is older to pay
attention to you. If there is a big difference in age---say five years or
more---then the teenager involved is going to be drawn into a world of more
mature behavior before he or she is ready. Teenagers forget that it is also
nice to act their own age; they should not try constantly to act older than they
are.
The there is the other side of the coin. An older person who hangs around
younger kids has problems of their own, perhaps an inability to grow up; your
child is thus placed in contact with values and attitudes that are questionable.
It is flattering when you are 14, 15, or 16 for someone who is older to pay
attention to you. If there is a big difference in age---say five years or
more---then the teenager involved is going to be drawn into a world of more
mature behavior before he or she is ready. Teenagers forget that it is also
nice to act their own age; they should not try constantly to act older than they
are.
The there is the other side of the coin. An older person who hangs around
younger kids has problems of their own, perhaps an inability to grow up; your
child is thus placed in contact with values and attitudes that are questionable.
4.) CONSUMED BY ADMINISTERING DISCIPLINE
It is a drag for everyone concerned to spend week after week dishing out
consequences for broken curfews and messy rooms. Once disciplinary issues
have become so dominant that they redefine your relationship with your child,
you and your child are in trouble. Many parents tend to be either too soft or too
strict. They find an even balance is hard to achieve. This does not mean it is
not possible. Even if you are forced into a disciplinary role for a few months by
a teenager who is testing you, be sure to keep it evenhanded and, at the same
time, stay open to doing something with your child for the fun of it.
It is a drag for everyone concerned to spend week after week dishing out
consequences for broken curfews and messy rooms. Once disciplinary issues
have become so dominant that they redefine your relationship with your child,
you and your child are in trouble. Many parents tend to be either too soft or too
strict. They find an even balance is hard to achieve. This does not mean it is
not possible. Even if you are forced into a disciplinary role for a few months by
a teenager who is testing you, be sure to keep it evenhanded and, at the same
time, stay open to doing something with your child for the fun of it.
5.) A MAJOR CHANGE IN EFFECT
“Effect” is a word experts like to use. It means things like extreme irritability,
temper tantrums, or worse yet, no apparent feelings at all-glacial indifference.
Ask yourself the following questions: Are apparently reasonable comments or
questions creating emotional explosions that seem to come from nowhere? Has
your son or daughter gotten sneaky, refusing to look you in the eye? Have you
noticed a switch from an upbeat, energetic approach to life to an apathetic,
indifferent shrug that denies interest or involvement in anything?
Let us say you have grounded your teenager for some reason and he/she reacts
by blowing up about who made you the boss or by shrugging the whole thing
off. If this reaction is different from what you would normally expect, then it is
time to look up and down this list and see what other signals you have missed.
6.) APPEARANCE OF MONEY OR THINGS
Does your son or daughter have more money than you would expect? Has a
beautiful 10-speed materialized from nowhere? One teenager told how he once
brought home an expensive stereo component system, set it up in his room and
played it for months before he was asked where he got it.
“Effect” is a word experts like to use. It means things like extreme irritability,
temper tantrums, or worse yet, no apparent feelings at all-glacial indifference.
Ask yourself the following questions: Are apparently reasonable comments or
questions creating emotional explosions that seem to come from nowhere? Has
your son or daughter gotten sneaky, refusing to look you in the eye? Have you
noticed a switch from an upbeat, energetic approach to life to an apathetic,
indifferent shrug that denies interest or involvement in anything?
Let us say you have grounded your teenager for some reason and he/she reacts
by blowing up about who made you the boss or by shrugging the whole thing
off. If this reaction is different from what you would normally expect, then it is
time to look up and down this list and see what other signals you have missed.
6.) APPEARANCE OF MONEY OR THINGS
Does your son or daughter have more money than you would expect? Has a
beautiful 10-speed materialized from nowhere? One teenager told how he once
brought home an expensive stereo component system, set it up in his room and
played it for months before he was asked where he got it.
He told his parents he borrowed it. “I wonder,” he commented with a sparkle
in his eye, “if they would have gone for a loan of another friend’s Porsche?”
On the other hand, does your kid have a lot less money, with nothing to show
for the spent cash?
in his eye, “if they would have gone for a loan of another friend’s Porsche?”
On the other hand, does your kid have a lot less money, with nothing to show
for the spent cash?
Is YOUR Child Headed for TROUBLE?
Just as there are warning signals for diseases like alcoholism and cancer, so
there are signals that your teenager may be headed for trouble. One signal by
itself may be meaningless, but several in tandem are worth noticing and
checking out. Some of these signals are obvious, some less so, and all of
them have been suggested either by professionals or by teenagers and their
parents.
SO…HAVE YOU NOTICED ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING?
Just as there are warning signals for diseases like alcoholism and cancer, so
there are signals that your teenager may be headed for trouble. One signal by
itself may be meaningless, but several in tandem are worth noticing and
checking out. Some of these signals are obvious, some less so, and all of
them have been suggested either by professionals or by teenagers and their
parents.
SO…HAVE YOU NOTICED ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING?
1.) A DRAMATIC DROP IN GRADES
This is a well-known warning sign. A teenager’s explanation might be
anything from an overload of work to a mysterious cabal of teachers who are
out to get him or her. The explanation may have varying degrees of truth in it.
But one thing is certain; when things are going badly for a teenager, grades
and attendance fall.
This is a well-known warning sign. A teenager’s explanation might be
anything from an overload of work to a mysterious cabal of teachers who are
out to get him or her. The explanation may have varying degrees of truth in it.
But one thing is certain; when things are going badly for a teenager, grades
and attendance fall.
2.) A CHANGE IN FRIENDS
This is a loaded subject, because most kids feel they have a right to associate
with whomever they please. What a parent should notice is a narrowing of a
teenager’s circle of friends. Keep track of your son’s or daughter’s friends, and
if you notice that his/her circle of friends is getting smaller, or that he/she
seems to have no friends, bring up the subject some evening and see what kind
of reaction you get. The reaction may tip off whether this is a warning sign or
not.
Different friends mean different values and behavior. This can be good or bad. If
a teenager’s values and behavior are changing, previous friends will drop away
and new friends will be found who will support this new set of values or kind of
behavior.
This is a loaded subject, because most kids feel they have a right to associate
with whomever they please. What a parent should notice is a narrowing of a
teenager’s circle of friends. Keep track of your son’s or daughter’s friends, and
if you notice that his/her circle of friends is getting smaller, or that he/she
seems to have no friends, bring up the subject some evening and see what kind
of reaction you get. The reaction may tip off whether this is a warning sign or
not.
Different friends mean different values and behavior. This can be good or bad. If
a teenager’s values and behavior are changing, previous friends will drop away
and new friends will be found who will support this new set of values or kind of
behavior.
7.) OBVIOUS PROBLEMS AT HOME
This is a warning to look inward. Evidence keeps mounting that children
grow up healthy when their parents have a beautiful loving relationship.
Kids get into trouble when they sense their parents are in trouble with each
other. Kids growing up in single-parent homes may do as well as other kids,
but they are better able to cope when the father or mother with whom they
live has other interests and who is getting his or her own need for affection
and love met. If you are divorced and not remarried, are you meeting our
needs?
8.) SIGNS IN THE BEDROOM
You can tell a lot about any person by looking at his or her room. Be careful
not to violate his/her privacy by reading diaries, but do notice your
teenager's room. What you are looking for is change of some kind – from neat
to sloppy, or should you be so lucky, from sloppy to neat.
Normal disorder and offbeat colors are one thing, but a state of total
disregard or indifference to health and environment is decidedly another. If
you are afraid to go into your son’s room because something might be lurking
in there, it is a warning that something may be wrong.
This is a warning to look inward. Evidence keeps mounting that children
grow up healthy when their parents have a beautiful loving relationship.
Kids get into trouble when they sense their parents are in trouble with each
other. Kids growing up in single-parent homes may do as well as other kids,
but they are better able to cope when the father or mother with whom they
live has other interests and who is getting his or her own need for affection
and love met. If you are divorced and not remarried, are you meeting our
needs?
8.) SIGNS IN THE BEDROOM
You can tell a lot about any person by looking at his or her room. Be careful
not to violate his/her privacy by reading diaries, but do notice your
teenager's room. What you are looking for is change of some kind – from neat
to sloppy, or should you be so lucky, from sloppy to neat.
Normal disorder and offbeat colors are one thing, but a state of total
disregard or indifference to health and environment is decidedly another. If
you are afraid to go into your son’s room because something might be lurking
in there, it is a warning that something may be wrong.
9.) CALLS AT ODD HOURS
An urgent “I’ll Get It” when the phone rings at 11:30 p.m. on a school night
could mean trouble. This is when drug deals are often made or when plans
to run away are formed. Phone calls late at night long after your bedtime
are often a cause for concern. Once again, straightforwardness is the key. If
you listen in on the phone and hear a marijuana buy being set up, confront
your son or daughter about it. Undoubtedly you will have a big argument
over privacy, but it is better to put your teenager on notice that you do not
approve of late calls or drug deals. If you are suspicious, bring out your
suspicions openly and honestly.
10.) EXTREME ATTENTION GETTING BEHAVIOR
Every child needs a lot of attention. You can pay a little now or a whole lot
later. If a child gets enough attention from both parents and peers in
everyday life, then his or her adolescence will be no more or no less
difficult than anyone else. Abnormal attention getting behavior includes
having tantrums, dressing in unusually revealing clothes (if a girl), acting
younger than one’s age, cutting initials in one’s skin, chronically coming
home late, hanging around the house all the time, and a fascination with
fire. Unexplained loss of prescription drugs you keep at home or a
“misplaced” $20 bill can be conscious or unconscious cries for attention
from your child.
11.) A FANTASYLAND MENTALITY
All of us have dreams. Many dreams should be encouraged. But if your child
begins to live more and more in a fantasy world, if he/she dreams of doing
things that are impossible and those dreams cause a breakdown in
everyday work and relationships; if your child has either unrealistically
high expectations or no expectations at all, then he/she is walking away
from reality.
This is an early stage of psychosis and needs to be taken seriously. Your
reaction, however, should not appear to be overly serious. Challenging your
child about unrealistic fantasizing in a good-natured way can help. At least
you will find out how committed he/she is to the fantasy.
12) NEIGHBOR/FRIENDSHIP COOPERATION LINK
One of the hardest things for Americans to do is to break the taboo that
says, “Mind your own business; don’t be a snitch.” To go to a friend or
neighbor and mention your worries about his/her son or daughter takes
guts. If someone comes to you about your child, you know it is serious. Pay
attention and do something about it.
THE 12 WARNING SIGNS LISTED HERE ARE JUST THAT – WARNING
SIGNS. THERE MAY WELL BE NO DANGER AHEAD. HOWEVER, THE MORE
SIGNS THAT YOU OBSERVE, THE GREATER THE PROBABILITY THAT
SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!
An urgent “I’ll Get It” when the phone rings at 11:30 p.m. on a school night
could mean trouble. This is when drug deals are often made or when plans
to run away are formed. Phone calls late at night long after your bedtime
are often a cause for concern. Once again, straightforwardness is the key. If
you listen in on the phone and hear a marijuana buy being set up, confront
your son or daughter about it. Undoubtedly you will have a big argument
over privacy, but it is better to put your teenager on notice that you do not
approve of late calls or drug deals. If you are suspicious, bring out your
suspicions openly and honestly.
10.) EXTREME ATTENTION GETTING BEHAVIOR
Every child needs a lot of attention. You can pay a little now or a whole lot
later. If a child gets enough attention from both parents and peers in
everyday life, then his or her adolescence will be no more or no less
difficult than anyone else. Abnormal attention getting behavior includes
having tantrums, dressing in unusually revealing clothes (if a girl), acting
younger than one’s age, cutting initials in one’s skin, chronically coming
home late, hanging around the house all the time, and a fascination with
fire. Unexplained loss of prescription drugs you keep at home or a
“misplaced” $20 bill can be conscious or unconscious cries for attention
from your child.
11.) A FANTASYLAND MENTALITY
All of us have dreams. Many dreams should be encouraged. But if your child
begins to live more and more in a fantasy world, if he/she dreams of doing
things that are impossible and those dreams cause a breakdown in
everyday work and relationships; if your child has either unrealistically
high expectations or no expectations at all, then he/she is walking away
from reality.
This is an early stage of psychosis and needs to be taken seriously. Your
reaction, however, should not appear to be overly serious. Challenging your
child about unrealistic fantasizing in a good-natured way can help. At least
you will find out how committed he/she is to the fantasy.
12) NEIGHBOR/FRIENDSHIP COOPERATION LINK
One of the hardest things for Americans to do is to break the taboo that
says, “Mind your own business; don’t be a snitch.” To go to a friend or
neighbor and mention your worries about his/her son or daughter takes
guts. If someone comes to you about your child, you know it is serious. Pay
attention and do something about it.
THE 12 WARNING SIGNS LISTED HERE ARE JUST THAT – WARNING
SIGNS. THERE MAY WELL BE NO DANGER AHEAD. HOWEVER, THE MORE
SIGNS THAT YOU OBSERVE, THE GREATER THE PROBABILITY THAT
SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!
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